Look up here

The year started off well. There was a lovely Bowie album opening. It seemed dark in patches, but I thought it was merely a reflection of the times. Then we were left to wonder where Monday had gone, left to look up at the stars.

I had been dealing with work-related issues at the time. It had been stressful, and I put this aside. It took  me months to get around to reading the news articles about his death. It is painful to be sitting at my dining table alone, to read the catch-phrase laden bulletins armed only with a cup of lukewarm tea.

This moment of existential angst is a long one. I am nowhere close to where I want to be. I have fallen out of the habit of comparing against my reference trajectory, and it has helped certainly to stay even-keeled in the face of unexpected circumstances. Maybe this improvement is only a function of age, to care less about matching to what you had once expected. Life is still similar to walking in treacle. Learning to like treacle seems to improve it.

And there are other matters too, but I can’t give everything away.